Early Wake-up Calls

Can't they feel it? When they call you before sunrise, before you whisper that it's going to be another day of turmoil. They say they want your help, that they can't sleep… that's why they woke you. They say things like "I need you and you're the only one who can understand…" sometimes you stop to indulge the 'untimely' flattery. A small curve of lips would do it.. they can feel it in your voice through the phone line . But then.. at some point, they start to cry and Hell breaks loose.

Is this a dream or reality? …is it possible that they broke into your nightmare? Fuck! ...No, it's real! She needs you now, and the "good friend" role started a few hours early! Shake off tiredness, drive out everything but her… now concentrate.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart," how many times did you say that already? "It's alright," just calm her down. "It's gonna be okay, " lie… just don't promise, …they might hold you up to that..

An hour passes, "Yeah hon, I'm with you…listening" you rub your eyes, wonder why the fuck the mobile wasn't switched off? …No, don't wander away now! …she expects your advice any minute now… responsibility! …just fucking focus!

Now words of finale, "Just be strong… No! it's alright, you can call anytime…you take it easy, okay?" Stop thanking me… stop saying I'm a such a good friend, I don't want to hear it! Just press the red button, …No, switch off the damn thing!

Now my head is on the pillow, *sigh* … five minutes pass, ….ten, thirty…'Fuck, what's wrong with me?' …I'm so tired…can't sleep…
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself!

'What is she doing now? … Hope she's not crying again…' A long hour passes, 'I told her she should…' the bed doesn't feel comfortable, turn again… lie on your back … 'I said I'm gonna call her the next day… I mean today!' … check the clock, 'Fuck! The alarm goes off in twenty minutes!' … Don't wanna sleep… Don't wanna go to school.. Don't wanna see anybody, and I am keeping my mobile off! …well, till it's time I call her anyway..!!

Guess when they pour their problems to me, they really pour them.