Misconceptions for Granted

I'm not going to start this post by saying "appearances are deceptive", or give the advice of "don't judge a book by its cover"… er… just did, didn't I ? Ah well! It just keeps repeating in my head, giving me a headache, making me confused, and ever more paranoid!

These two idioms are common and closely related, not just semantically speaking, but also that they are both 'overlooked' in spite of their wide consumptions! Can you honestly tell me that you do not 'judge a book by its cover' ? ... er.. okay, can you please go back and re-read the question emphasizing on the word 'honestly'?! …But I guess that takes us to another level, doesn't it ?!

... I'm not trying to get a rise out of anyone in particular, I just think that ignoring the appearance of somebody is like taking out one of your natural "defense mechanisms" or something! The bottom line is, appearances are not deceptive as much as they are apart of the person who projects them.

Of course to all rules, there's the rare exception, but I do ask you to look at the prevailing chances. … Still when you think about it, you find a lot of people here in my splendid country of Kuwait (!) who are committed to their 'religious' clothing, but… you can guess the rest…

It's merely my own opinion posted in my own blog :)

Wrong Turn

Just finished watching this movie called Wrong Turn, it's just another low-budget movie about cannibals. During the movie, I kept thinking… should we –the viewers- feel sorry for the characters who have died –and now being chopped up- or.. the other characters that are trying to survive – currently hiding under the bed!-
Hmm… Sure some would try to compromise and go for the impartial response of "Both, …I feel sorry for both characters", and that's fair… yet it seems somewhat of a shallow answer for someone who obviously did not put themselves in the situation.

I try to imagine myself in the situation –and I can only imagine!- being hunted down by cannibals who have just 'eaten' my friends and who have me next on their menu… what would I'd rather be? The "victim", or the "survivor"? hmm... I would definitely prefer to be lying in a pool of my blood and being eaten by a punch of deranged flee-bags, than to actually to keep on running and running from their blades!

However that may sound to you, I would not think of myself as a coward, but as a survivor. How? … okay, do you think that those who have "survived" are actually living? That the next day they would get in to their cars and ride to work ? … think again! Final question, do you prefer a slow death, or a quick death? ...How does that relate? I tell you…
I figure that, having a knife slitting my throat, I would not care what happens to me afterwards. Let them have a big orgy fest with my guts; I.Do.Not.Care! Why? Because I'm Dead! And this mortal body means nothing to me anymore!
But what if I did survive? …hmm… I would kill myself everyday, whether by nightmares, paranoia, phobias… you name it. I think, at some point, I would just kill myself –literally. It’s a matter of how much can you handle, not how much you *think* you can handle.
I choose to fool everyone but myself, still I don't think I can play hero for the rest of my life cos I know I would eventually crack… and higher power knows I can only pretend for so long!

Just When You Think It's Over...

The play was postponed till Monday. The performance went great! Sure my heart was beating out of its chest but I did not fuck up once!
I thought the play would be my "biggest event of the week", but turns out I have to undertake a minor surgery at the hospital… now… THAT is ironic!
It's nothing serious just this little lump that developed in …. er… some part that I'd prefer not to mention in this blog! …
It's 10:30 A.M, and I'm scheduled to be in at 12 which is the time of the surgery, I'll be out in two hours, no big deal!
I'm kinda excited about the surgery! I miss the operation room! … the only operation I had was in right eye about 4 years ago. The only thing I'm hating is the attention I'm gonna get when I'm out of the surgery! Now that is annoying, all you wanna do is be by yourself to proudly check on the scar tissue every minute and then, but does their constant irrelevant presence make it any easier..? I think not.
It's funny when I think that I got this tumor because I was so nervous from the acting - I know that thing takes a while to 'grow'- but still… it would have made a damn good excuse to drop out!

To Stutter or Not to Stutter... That is the Question!

I have a play performance due tomorrow. I feel sick thinking that- literally I do. I'm so damn nervous. Being 'in the spot light' is nightmarish to me, I guess that nightmare is turning to reality tomorrow.
It's just one scene from Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar". I play Cassius, the character that manipulated Brutus 'the protagonist' into killing Caesar. Ironic how I'm the one who actually chose the scene, and I seem to be the one dreading it the most.
It's not like I didn't memorize my lines- I did! But my mind freezes in mid thought when I'm faced by the "thousand-eye-snake"! … that's obviously hyperbole for people who would be there to see us perform.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the play would be postponed till Monday, I know it's dumb cos I'm gonna fuck up whether I do it's tomorrow or later… guess I still feel I need more time in rehearsals.

But I think this mental torture that I inflict upon myself is worse than actually performing the play, so… let's just get it over and done with...

Fallacy of the Occult

It's a fact that Kuwait is a developing country, technologically and socially, however, if it was a living organic entity, I think it would be developing 'bad cells' more than it's developing good ones. But honestly, can you say otherwise about any country? This whole world is on mission to self-destruct :)

Since Kuwait is a small region, every little thing that happens has a strong impact, you'd pass a lot of people discussing one headline in a local newspaper. Whatever happens, It spreads in a heartbeat, …like I said, it affects the whole diminutive place. Not like how it is in the U.S. Sure you'd see a photo of a serial killer on CNN, but hey, it's nothing new, happens everyday. Some people just go numb with time and stop responding.. no big deal.

Back to Kuwait, I'm not talking about the man who splattered his mother's brain with a hammer while she was praying, or the man convicted with multiple-homicide for killing all his children, then trying to commit suicide… no these things do not concern *ME*. Sure they shake some of my perspectives, but they do not interrupt my routine, or change the place where I planned to have lunch! I'm just more concerned with things that actually do...

I think that the Kuwaiti society is pretty closed on its traditions. Although we do witness "new trends", it's mostly taken or projected the wrong way, and that is simply not a progress, it's just a change ...to the obvious worse.
I said in my first post that this blog is meant to be written for myself rather than anyone who would read it, I'm just pissed and I want to take it out on some…one?!
Lol, nahh.. it's not like that. What I want to say is, there has been a new emerging cult/subculture in Kuwait –that is not dangerous, so keep seated!- called Goth. Since I'm interested in this subculture, I have not yet been able to get a hold of people from that cult, unfortunately… which makes me feel kinda lonely.
It's no surprise if you haven't heard of this cult before, it's really unfamiliar in Arab countries since it's a foreign subculture descending from Punk.

One of the problems that Goths would face is: the confusion of Gothicism with Satanism. I think it creates some sort of a hassle especially to an individual who's new to the Goth scene. And since Goth is a cult of multi religion –or non-religion-, Satanism would be a part of it just like how it can be a part of any community. It's because a Satanist would be Goth, whether it's about wearing black clothes or thinking of 'dark' aspects that sometimes are satanic. but not every Goth, inevitably, is a Satanist.

For me, I'm not a Satanist and I have no problem with Satanists as long as they're not one of those dumb dabblers that sacrifice animals, cos that's not Satanism -according to the founder of the Church of Satan, late Anton LaVey- that's just anarchy caused by human ignorance in search of a "spiritual" identity. Still Satanists are not tolerated in Kuwait like how they possibly are in some other countries. Here, they are more into vandalism and criminal activity that actually practicing a religion- or an un-religion. You'd have to be familiar with modern Satanism –the LaVeyan- to see my point.

I think I stopped caring about being described as a 'Satanist'. Sometimes I smile humoring their ignorance. But still at times it does get to me as it strikes me seeing how much I'm misunderstood, especially by my parents who have no idea what Gothicism is, but read about the corrupt Satanism in newspapers.

First Timer

My first post! Should be excited but mostly I'm indifferent about it. I don't know why I created this blog in the first place, I went online and had absolutely nothing to do :/

I guess I have a few things in mind that, some scattered thoughts that I wanna write to the cyber void. One thing I know is that I'm doing this for me, not for whoever might read this, it's gonna be my way -but hey I'm not that bitchy, I'd like it if someone out there dropped me a feedback sometime :)

I don't know what exactly to write about right now, I don't want to start from "the beginning" of a distant time, I want to talk about now, and what I think at the time being. I want to transcribe these ideas that rage in my mind every minute of everyday… damn I talk too much! …. But I guess that's a good thing here, right?!

*Blinks at the screen* Dammit! Still not sure what to write! Guess I'm enjoying my time speaking about nothing! ….Ahh my mind isn't working! Maybe cos the music is too loud I can't hear myself think… well maybe, but hey! Who would ever listen to Heavy-Metal in low volume?! … that's breaking the rules of Metal …er… if there is any…

I think Heavy-Metal is the only music genre that is open to any topic, all others have restricted their lyrics to sing about love, sex, or new dance moves! … hmm… well, I like Eminem, mostly for who he is, rather than his rapping- you gotta admit he's quiet an interesting persona. Rap can be interesting too if it wasn't about that "booty-shakin'" crap! what can I say? it's just not ma cupa tea! I just think you should be listening to stuff that you can somewhat relate yourself to; that's not a rule, but if you ever tried listening to song that can actually trigger something in your memory, something that happened or something you've felt, you would definitely respond to it in a more profound way, and that's a rule!